Source: YT user, RocknRollDaddyO

I first heard this last year on Sirius-XM’s Halloween channel and I was immediately hooked on the tune… told you guys I like campy Halloween stuff just as much as the spooky.

After sharing some of my more quirky Halloween experiences, it got me in the mood to relive a few of my other favorite untold haunt endeavors. Coming off our mid to late ‘90s hallway haunt and prior to starting the 2006 haunted cemetery display, my home haunt motto was, “Anything goes — the kookier and stranger the better.” Case in point: one year, I stood next to the house (in a decrepit looking old man costume), beating my fists against the wall and squawking gibberish about so-called prophetic, apocalyptic visions.

“It’s been one-hundred years since the signs foretold this night’s approach,” I’d yell, “Inky darkness is oozing across the land and all is lost. It’s the end of the world, I tell you. Hell’s coming to swallow us up.”

Of course, since I was ranting and raving about hell, I received the usual smart aleck, “Then shut up and go to hell, old man,” responses from a few of the trick-or-treaters. (If you’ve read my other entries pertaining to some of the kids attending our haunt, this should come as no surprise.)

I’d quickly snap back with, “Oh I will, but you don’t understand the prophecy. You see, hell’s where you’re going, too! You’re all going!” Then I’d tilt my head backwards and bust loose with some crazy laughter. The laughter alone stopped many of the trick-or-treaters in their tracks!

Another Halloween, while wearing one of my funky, obscure masks, I ran through the yard with a slouched Quasimodo-like posture, acting completely possessed and feverishly pounding two big sticks together over my head.

Don’t ask me what I was supposed to be. I couldn’t tell you. I just knew it looked totally bizarre, so I went for it and sold it in a big way. Not to toot my own horn, but if there had ever been movie auditions for a “leading man type” who was a funny looking, slumped over fiend, beating on two tree branches like an idiot, I could have been a huge star.

During another Halloween, I purchased an oversized, inflatable head piece, filled it with air, strapped it around my neck and shoulders, and placed a mask at the top. The entire costume was covered in a long shroud that hung over my feet. I’m about 6’ 2” but this rig gave the appearance I was over 8 feet tall (pictured at the top, I’m on the right). I had to duck to get under doorways while wearing it.

Visually, the costume was fine, but it didn’t function very well. Maneuvering through a dark yard while wearing a mask perched twenty-five inches above my head, and a shroud that could fit the Jolly Green Giant proved to be quite comical. More than once I “biffed it” going after trick-or-treaters.

By Halloween 2005, I decided to get the heck out of the yard and away from oversized costumes. So, I retreated to the highest point available where I could still provide a few scares: the rooftop. The house is covered with a tin roofing material and has quite an arch to it, but I enthusiastically thought that wouldn’t be a problem. After all, the location could make for something unique and unexpected since the kids already anticipated me being on the ground.

Outfitted with a brand new zombie mask and zombie gloves, I crawled up the ladder (in the backyard), climbed onto a flat portion of the roof, and then scaled my way up to the arched peak. After reaching the top, I carefully slid down the front side and into position just above the front porch. Sounds like a piece of cake so far, huh?

Earlier in the day, I had prepped the location by strapping my trusty strobe light to the top of the garage, which sat adjacent to my sweet scare-spot. The strobe was aimed at me and dialed in at its fastest setting, in the hopes it would enhance the illusion of me coming off the roof. To further disorient the trick-or-treaters, I also had my fog machine “polluting” the entire front walkway and porch.

For the first hour or so, my plan was working well. The fog and strobe light provided the perfect atmosphere for me to hide just behind the edge of the gutter. Some saw me, but they assumed I was simply decoration. In my usual startle-scare fashion, I let the first two or three in each group walk under me without making a sound, then I’d kick and scream and act as if I was coming over the edge to get the trailing members of the group.

However, there was a problem with this plan: I was lying on my stomach and my body was going downhill. After a while, the blood began rushing to my head and once again, the strobe effect had me extremely disoriented. Add in the fact it was getting cold, causing moisture to condense on the tin roof, and I was completely screwed!

In case you haven’t noticed by now, I take my duties on Halloween night very seriously. I never break character, even when I’m having rocks thrown at me, getting punched in the face or choking on a Snickers bar!

The same was true on that rooftop back in Halloween ’05. Not once did I take off those zombie gloves, my jacket, or that new mask. Diligently, I watched and waited, never wanting to miss an opportunity to scare the next batch of candy seekers. Due to my diligence, I failed to get the memo informing me the rooftop was turning into a skating rink!

At one point, I really went for it, throwing my body weight into the movements, thrashing about and acting like I was going to jump into the crowd of trick-or-treaters. The kids screamed and ran, unfortunately, I overestimated my ability to maintain my position.

Thanks to slick tin, I slid sideways. Coming halfway off the roof, my hands clung to the gutter system (picture Chevy Chase in “Christmas Vacation”), and my left foot desperately tried to find traction while my right leg simultaneously dangled free and clear over the edge.

Closing my eyes and awaiting impact with the sidewalk below, I realized my left hiking boot had hooked onto an overlapping groove in the tin. Amazingly, the gutter had also held up, despite applying some weight to its structure. Thankfully, I didn’t fall off, and the even bigger blessing – I didn’t fall on any kids or their parents!

I crawled back into position and toned my movements down a little more, playing it safer for the rest of the night. And so this zombie lived to see another Halloween.

They should really add my experience as a cautionary tale to those Halloween safety videos:

“Kids, don’t dress up like a zombie, climb ladders, scale rooftops and muck around like a fool on wet tin. If you do, always wear a reflective strip on your costume and make sure mom and dad check your candy for anything suspicious afterwards.”

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A Favorite Halloween Memory
5 Quirky Home Haunt Experiences: Part 1
5 Quirky Home Haunt Experiences: Part 2

Just in case you missed my first Quirky Home Haunt Experiences entry, I’m reliving my somewhat strange, but funny encounters with trick-or-treaters and their parents. Last time, I wrote about “The Rock Thrower” and “The Grave Robber’s Opponent.” This time, it’s all about “Sucker Toucher,” “Mr. Partial” and “Pillowcase Boxer.”

3) Sucker Toucher: It was Halloween 1998, the third and final year for hosting our indoor haunted hallway. The hallway began in the driveway, wrapped around the outside of the garage and led up the walkway, where it connected to the covered porch and front door.

At certain intervals, throughout the haunted hall, there were “windows” (no glass) that peered into rooms; each room contained a scene. Inside the room, an actor (family member) would play out some sort of scenario as the trick-or-treaters walked by.

My particular room, the graveyard, was situated under the porch and was the last stop on the way to the precious candy. Inside the graveyard, there was an adult sized wooden box (minus a lid), sitting on the concrete. Around the box and throughout the room, I used lots of camouflage and burlap material to build up the “ground” so it met flush with the lip of the wooden box.

Next, the camouflage was covered in leaves. This disguised the box and gave the appearance it was an open grave plot. After filling the room with headstones, jack-o-lanterns, a strobe light and my fog machine, I was ready to rise from the ground as one of the haunt’s undead.

The final touch came in the form of building an extra-large viewing window (think 1990s big-screen television dimensions) for even the smallest of children to catch a glimpse of my zombie-like activities. The bottom of the window came only as high as my knees, giving the kids ample space to reach over and interact with me and vice versa.

After an hour or so of being exposed to the constant strobe light effect, my vision and equilibrium became pretty poor. In fact, my movements probably resembled a drunk more than they did a re-animated corpse. All I remember is seeing the shape of someone approaching the window. I darted rapidly — not gracefully — out of the box, from a lying position and onto my knees — only to feel something very wet stick to the palm of my right hand.

There I was, face to face with what was probably an eleven or twelve-year-old lollipop eating girl. Correction, she hadn’t actually been eating it; unfortunately for me, she had only been licking it.

“You touched my sucker, you nasty bastard,” she screamed into my ear!

And instantly, Sucker Toucher was born. Of course, I was actually the “sucker toucher,” but since she coined the phrase, that name will always firmly belong to her in my mind.

What is it with trick-or-treaters in my neighborhood busting out foul language at the drop of a hat?

4) Mr. Partial: In an all too familiar vein with Sucker Toucher, I bring you Mr. Partial. The same graveyard room; the same year, and the same messed up vision and equilibrium, only fast forward an additional two hours without having anything to eat all night.

For the previous 120 minutes, ever since Sucker Toucher accused my parents of not being legitimately married when I was fathered, I had been bombarded by candy. The kids were taking any opportunity to throw mini Milky Ways, 3 Musketeers, Oh Henrys, etc., at me.

Since my vision was already in bad shape, I couldn’t see them doing the deed – hell, I was staring into a rapidly blinking strobe light every time I rose from the grave. However, I could feel things hitting my face and assumed they were pieces of candy.

At one point, we had a lull in trick-or-treaters. So, I settled back down into my grave plot. Not knowing when the next batch would shuffle through the haunt, I didn’t want to leave my post. Lying there, with my stomach doing somersaults, I became aware of a lump under my back. Reaching behind me, I pulled out the familiar shape of a mini candy bar; it was some trick-or-treater’s spent ammo in a game of zombie target practice.

Visually checking it was out of the question, but I did my best to make sure the packaging was still intact. I unwrapped the treat and popped it into my mouth. The familiar taste of Snickers barely had time to alert my taste buds before the chocolate and peanuts disappeared down my throat, or so I thought.

In the all confusion and chaos, not to mention having a ravenous appetite, I neglected to notice several strands from my “zombie wig” were also in my mouth. As the Snickers bar was swallowed, so were the long strands of hair, however, they were also still attached to the wig on my head – not a good thing!

Off in the distance, I could hear the next group of trick-or-treaters being scared by our ghosts and ghouls throughout other rooms of the haunt. In a matter of a few seconds, I knew I would receive my cue to rise up from the grave.

As I prepared myself for launch, I suddenly became aware that a portion of the Snickers bar was lodged in my throat! Swallowing harder to break it free didn’t help, but swallowing did alert me to the strands of wig hair that were in my mouth.

Scrambling to pull the hair free, I could also feel the candy bar coming up my throat. I had swallowed the whole neat little package — Snickers wrapped in hair… bleck! Suddenly, I received my cue! With freed lumps of Snickers bar swinging from my wig, I leapt from the grave; the back of my hand making contact with flesh and once again something wet, but this time not sticky.

“Ugggg, you knocked out my partial, you motherfudger (only he didn’t say fudger),” yelled a very irate sounding parent!

As the expletives continued to pour forth, I recognized the voice; it was my boss. I had been telling him about our haunt for the entire month of October. Right before leaving for my annual Halloween week vacation, I gave him the address and told him to bring his kids by – so, he did. Oh brother, did he bring them by; getting his dental partial smacked from his mouth in the process!

Thankfully, he was a good sport about the whole thing and he wound up catching the partial in his hand as it fell from his mouth… whew! If not, the partial would have been toast with all those kids traipsing through the haunt.

And that brings us to “Pillowcase Boxer.”

5) Pillowcase Boxer: When compared to the two previous encounters, this one is fairly uneventful, but definitely not innocuous. Pillowcase Boxer predates Sucker Toucher and Mr. Partial by two years.

Halloween 1996 featured a very early incarnation of the haunted hallway of ’98. With a straight shot to the porch, minus the driveway segment of the walk-through, and only one room to view; ’96 was a smaller haunting endeavor.

Since there was only one room, I decided to cut a hole in the hallway wall, a few feet beyond the viewing window for the solitary room. From this hole, a ghoul (one of us) could appear, scaring the kids. However, the hole was only large enough to poke our masked faces through it.

Throughout Halloween night, several of us traded off working the “hole” segment in the haunt. My second time through the rotation is when I encountered my fifth character in this quirky home haunt cast.

Armed with a pillowcase for a trick-or-treat bag, this kid was hell bent on making me pay for playing Halloween peek-a-boo! Apparently, he was still reeling from the surprise scare he received walking by the solitary room. As he quickly backed away from the viewing window, I let him have it with a loud growl, simultaneously ramming my masked face through the hole.

Spinning around, he swung his pillowcase, clocking me in the jaw with what candy was in his bag, and then he proceeded to punch the candy repeatedly against the side of my head! Thankfully, he was only about thirteen, so there wasn’t a lot of force generated by his fists of fury. But I’ll tell you what, that was one time when the shoe was on the other foot – I was the one doing the swearing, but I won’t repeat what was said.

I know this was a fairly lengthy post, but I hope you got a kick out of it. As I reminisce over my home haunt and Halloween experiences, I’ll do my best to share more stories with you in the future — some funny, some not, but still a lot of Halloween goodness.

About the haunt images in this entry: All the way up top is my graveyard room at the end of Halloween night ‘98. The camouflage, burlap and leaves are scattered everywhere.

The second photo is a shot from either ’97 or ’98. It’s looking west, away from the front door and porch. If you turned right, you’d be going towards the driveway segment of the hallway haunt, which is where the trick-or-treaters entered and exited.

The third pic is of my cousin, hard at work on some fiendish project in the first room of the haunt! He’s actually donning the same mask I was wearing in my Quirky Home Haunt Experiences: Part 1 photo.

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5 Quirky Home Haunt Experiences: Part 1

During the last sixteen-years of hosting a variety of haunted houses and yard haunts, I’ve experienced some very quirky/funny encounters with trick-or-treaters and their parents. Overall, the majority of my Halloweens have been uneventful regarding the “candy seekers,” but once in a great while I run into something a little out of the ordinary. Throughout the years, I’ve developed pet names for the people involved in those out of the ordinary encounters. They are as follows: “The Rock Thrower,” “The Grave Robber’s Opponent,” “Sucker Toucher,” “Pillowcase Boxer,” and “Mr. Partial.”

In this entry, I’m giving you guys the lowdown on “The Rock Thrower” and “The Grave Robber’s Opponent.” In Part 2, I’ll be sharing my encounters with “Sucker Toucher,” “Pillowcase Boxer,” and “Mr. Partial.”

1) The Rock Thrower: This little guy couldn’t have been more than seven or eight-years-old, but he had one hell of an arm on him! The Rock Thrower goes back to the days when my “haunt” consisted of me walking through the yard, while wearing a funky mask, and carrying a dull axe over my shoulder (pictured above).

Periodically, during my walk around the perimeter, I’d freeze in the shadows when hearing the approaching trick-or-treaters. After coming within a few feet of me (most thought I was part of the store-bought decor extending off of the porch), I’d lunge at them. The majority would scream and laugh and then head to the door looking for candy; totally forgetting about the axe toting monster in the front yard.

However, this wasn’t the case with The Rock Thrower. Dressed in a ninja costume, he locked eyes with my creepy mask and refused to budge; never saying a word and completely forgetting about his mission to obtain candy. The boy must have stood in place for five minutes, almost getting overtaken several times by other groups of trick-or-treaters making their way past him.

As one batch of little vampires, ghosts and witches melded into another, I eventually lost track of the ninja. Not knowing if he had left on his own accord or was pulled away by the sea of costumed children, I turned my attention to scaring more unsuspecting victims.

After several minutes had passed, I began to feel something pelting my back. Checking to see what was causing the repeated “blows,” lo and behold, there was the ninja standing in the empty lot across the street. Taunting me and spewing a cluster of obscenities, he began throwing any chunks of gravel he could locate with his plastic, jack-o-lantern flashlight.

“Hey a**hole, I’m not afraid of you, you stupid piece of sh*t!” The words effortlessly poured from his mouth like poetry.

After a few growls and mock swings of the axe on my part (still from across the street), and several more attempts at clocking me in the head with stones, followed by cuss words even I wouldn’t say, the ninja eventually stormed off — presumably to teach sailors how to properly swear!

2) The Grave Robber’s Opponent: This next kid was probably around the same age as The Rock Thrower, and was blessed with a similar gift for talking smack, albeit a cleaner version. Instead of cursing the day I was born and trying to stone me to death, he stood next to the yard haunt (with my groundbreaker layout) and spontaneously began flapping his arms to draw attention to himself. During his outburst, he told passersby that the groundbreakers were real dead bodies.

Once he found out I was responsible for the corpses, he started screaming at the top of his lungs, saying I was a “grave robber.” His antics continued throughout the neighborhood and I could still hear him several minutes later as his voice trailed off into the darkness, screeching about how I dug up the dead. “That man dug up dead bodies!” “That man dug up dead bodies!”

Talk about a flair for the dramatic! What I’d like to know is where in the heck are these kids’ parents during trick-or-treat?

Hopefully you got a laugh from hearing about “The Rock Thrower” and “The Grave Robber’s Opponent.” On Wednesday, I’ll be adding another progress update on my Angel of Death Prop for the Halloween 2010 Preview Page. So, Part 2 to this entry should be posted on Thursday.

About the picture in this entry: I want to apologize for the extremely poor quality, but that was the only one I could find from many years ago, back when I used to haunt the yard with my axe. In my right hand, I’m holding the controller for my old school fog machine.

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5 Quirky Home Haunt Experiences: Part 2

This first video focuses on the overall legend of ghost hitchhikers:

Source: YT user, twothumbsupdvd

This next piece features a man’s personal experience with a ghostly passenger:

Source: YT user, tombstoner79

This last vid contains personal and second-hand experiences with a faceless roadside phantom:

Source: YT user, shane8109

In closing this post, I’d like to relate a true story that I’ve only shared with a couple of people:

Roughly twelve years ago, I had an early morning encounter of my own with what appeared to be two phantom-like pedestrians. I had just finished working the graveyard shift and was headed home between 3 and 4 AM. The particular stretch of road I was traveling ran right through a sleepy village whose origins date back to the 1600′s.

As I approached an area where the road straightened out for a good distance, I noticed nothing unusual or out of the ordinary. The moon was full and my headlights were illuminating my path extremely well.

After a few seconds, I saw what appeared to be two objects up ahead and to the right, in a location where there had been nothing just moments before. Always on the lookout for something spooky, this struck me as odd and since, at this ungodly hour, there were no other motorists out, I slowed down well below the 35 mph speed limit.

Drawing closer, I could see the objects were two “people” standing a few feet from the edge of the road. They weren’t hitchhiking, they were simply standing there, up to their knees in weeds, facing towards my oncoming headlights.

As I slowly drove past their location, I could see no discernible facial features whatsoever on either one of them. That fact, in and of itself, was enough to freak me out, but after passing them up, I immediately looked in the rear-view mirror and despite the moonlight, neither one was visible! It seemed both had vanished.

Unfortunately, I have no way to prove what I saw, so my experience joins the annals of the ghostly hitchhiker legend. Since I never saw them again; there were no other witnesses and I had no proof to verify who or what they were, I’ve always been tight-lipped about sharing this particular experience, but after watching the faceless ghost vid, I was inspired to put it in writing.

An interesting sidenote to this story:

The location where I spotted these two strange individuals is roughly two or three miles from a cemetery. This is the same cemetery where my mom and I encountered what we believe to be the ghost of a woman (walking twenty feet in front of us) wandering around the headstones.

I discussed our June ’09 cemetery encounter in previous posts and on my Halloween Webcam back in October, but I’ll probably do a full blog entry with all the details in a future article.

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Tales of the Frightened

Source: YT user, igorstar123

This second vid provides a peek into La Llorona’s New Mexico connection.

Source: YT user, MeneGene

As a boy, during a summertime visit to my grandparents’ home (just south of Albuquerque, NM), the neighborhood kids told me tales of the crying woman. Unfortunately, the sun had almost set by the time their storytelling had ended that day and I still needed to walk home.

Though my grandparents’ house was just a few hundred yards away, there was a ditch (brimming full of water) right outside their yard. Just my luck, I had to walk adjacent to the waterway to reach the back door of the house; all the while my mind was frantically recalling La Llorona stories! Luckily, I made it to the door, but I swear I heard the bushes moving near the water, as well as a mournful wailing sound.

Whether the story of the crying woman and her ghost have any basis in fact or not, they definitely have served as a method for trying to keep children away from rivers, arroyos and ditches. In New Mexico, there was even a bumper sticker campaign, a few years back, that featured a “witchy” cartoon woman standing next to the slogan, “Ditches are Deadly. Stay Away!”

With that being said, I’m not insinuating the lady in the above video was lying. I believe she witnessed something, but without more evidence, I’m not ready to say it was definitely the legendary crying woman’s ghost looking for her lost children.

Ghostly pedestrians, whether appearing as stranded hitchhikers or angelic messengers to motorists, are some of the most popular of urban legends. Surely, somewhere in the vast collection of roadside phantom tales, there has to be one that’s true.

On another note: I had hoped to have the shop’s webcam up and running again by now, but I’m still working on constructing the frame for the Angel of Death.

November has been extremely busy for me and I haven’t gotten as far on the prop as I had planned. Hopefully, I’ll be back on track in December and will have the cam running soon.

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The Vampire Sleeps

So, are you one of the frightened?

“The Vampire Sleeps” source: You Tube user monster4josh

In continuing with posting my extremely short Halloween stories from the Chaos section – today’s entry features a grave robber’s encounter with something not quite ready to be separated from its earthly possessions.

This entry is titled “Preserved”:

Thick billows of fog roll in, crashing against the stones, as the hoots of a horned sentry, perched in an oak, echo far across the valley. Beads of sweat race off my brow, falling into the freshly dug earth, only to be soaked up instantly.

Just a few more inches and I’ll have it. I frighten myself at how instinctive this whole morbid process has become. The rusted shovel slams into an obstacle seated firmly at the bottom of the shallow pit. Not worth the risk of using the lantern- my hands become my eyes as I claw and scratch my way beneath the remaining covering of soil. My search reveals a loose slat, tacked to a wooden box.

Tearing the slat away, I feverishly run my fingers among the remains, searching for an heirloom that was too precious to part with- even in death. Methodically checking each hand, then the boney neck and along the edges and bottom of the box- nothing…completely empty of anything that would compensate my effort. Kicking the contents in frustration, I turn to extract myself from the hole. Something’s wrong. I can’t move! My foot’s caught. Reaching down to release it, I feel something cold and clammy wrap around both of my wrists. The sensation has a recent and hideous familiarity to it. My heart is in my throat, as I instantly realize why it feels so familiar. I flash back to just a moment ago, as I was running my hands over it, preparing to steal its belongings. I scream out in anguish, but only the horned sentry is aware of my presence. He stares onward, through the fog, as I am swiftly pulled below the surface.

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Halloween Tales #2

In continuing with posting my short Halloween stories from the Chaos section – today’s entry features the events of Halloween night from a jack-o-lantern’s perspective. In writing these pieces of fiction, I never intended initially to reveal the main character’s identity. It was my way of being cryptic; yet hoping the reader would pick up on the context clues in order to decipher my meaning for themselves. Since reposting the stories in the blog, however, I decided to reveal a little more about the identity of whose point of view is being represented.

This entry is titled Carved:

Through my jagged eyes and mouth the light pours forth, flitting and flickering- casting obscure shapes and distorted shadows upon the terrain- providing just enough illumination for the awareness of my surroundings and the inevitability of what’s to come.

I am at the mercy of insidious creatures plodding through the night- coming ever so close to trampling me. From the darkness they converge, trekking past my forlorn expression- shrieking and hollering for some pitiful form of appeasement and pittance, until they receive that which they came for. It is abruptly dropped in their satchels and into the blackness they diverge, never to be seen again.

The vile earth, I rest upon, is damp and chilled, as my only source of warmth emanates from a point deep within, singeing my innards and leaving a fowl odor to waft out my nose. If this source should diminish, I fear it will be my demise. I can only assume I have been cast out to fester and decay, once my purpose has been served. It is a race to find that which is to be ultimately responsible for my fate- the elements or the horrors of the night that taunt me. The dawn will soon tear through this ebony shroud, ushering in its own brilliance, and taking with it, my sole reason for being.

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Halloween Tales