But before I start talking a bit more in depth about all that stuff, I want to apologize for taking so long between blog posts. Because of the 31 flavors, it’s very difficult to even use the computer without getting sick. Gazing at the monitor tends to accentuate my nausea and it can create strong vertigo-like issues. It’s for these reasons I also don’t check e-mail anymore and I turned off comments for this entry, as I know I won’t be able to respond to everyone like I used to. In fact, this post has taken me four days to write, because of my difficulties.

Now, even though we’re already into the New Year, I hope you had a great Halloween and a wonderful holiday season.

Speaking of the holidays, since my local doctors were at a loss for understanding why my gastroparesis (paralysis of the stomach that prevents it from emptying properly) is giving me so much hell, I spent several days after Christmas at the Mayo Clinic. After being put through every imaging scan and invasive test possible, Mayo confirmed my stomach is shutting down and my small intestine is also including itself in the digestion debacle.

According to their scans, the stomach is 49% shut down and the small gut is 91% shut down. While performing an endoscopy on me (camera down the throat) they found oatmeal still sitting in my stomach (eaten seven hours prior to the endoscopy). Oatmeal was all I had for breakfast and the amount was no more than what would fit in the palm of your hand.

So, they diagnosed me with severe gastroparesis combined with a “global motility disease.” Gastroparesis is pretty rare in itself, but when you include the small intestine in the scenario you move into a whole other category of rare illnesses. Damn, when you consider the astronomical odds why couldn’t I have won the lottery instead? LOL.

Leading up to the Mayo Clinic visit my weight was still dropping despite (the extremely painful process of) trying to eat (and digest) around 2,000 calories per day. By the time I stepped on the scales at Mayo I was down to 134 pounds, and I’m now in the 120s at a height of just over 6 feet; bringing the grand total of weight lost to almost eighty-pounds since March 2011. Now my Halloween props officially have more meat on their bones than me.

Since I’m not able to consume enough calories to stop the weight loss there are only three options available: a pacemaker attached to the stomach, a feeding tube inserted in my small intestine or being fed through a vein (called TPN).

My Mayo Clinic doctor keeps in touch with the nation’s leading expert on gastroparesis and motility diseases and neither one of them feel a pacemaker is worthwhile, because it primarily helps with nausea (one of the 31 flavors), but it does little to actually empty the stomach. Also, since the small intestine’s involved, the pacemaker won’t help the gut out, so I’d still be left with major motility problems beyond the stomach. That doesn’t sound like a winner to me.

The next option of the feeding tube is usually doable for someone who only has issues with the stomach, since the tube is surgically inserted in the small intestine. However, with my small intestine being majorly impaired a feeding tube will do little to no good. So there’s no point in going through that surgery and painful process either.

And that brings me to the last medical option of intravenous feeding or TPN. While IV feedings might help a bit, it’s doubtful they can provide enough calories to help me gain weight; especially considering I was taking in 4,000 calories per day four months prior to the shut down of my stomach and intestines and my weight still wasn’t budging. Something appears to be seriously wrong with not only my GI motility but also the body’s absorption of nutrients through the small intestine.

TPN is also notorious for causing major infections and at my already very low body weight I’d be a candidate for one infection after another. At best, intravenous feedings would only prolong the inevitable while continuing to impact my health, causing me to be around even more doctors and hospitals. And at this point I’ve had my fill of both, not to mention the daily suffering that goes along with this disease.

So, after a lot of soul searching, heartfelt discussions with family and friends, and research, I’ve decided to explore a fourth option: to cut my food intake down to a very small amount (thus alleviating the most severe attack symptoms) and let nature take its course.

As you may know, I have a strong belief in the survival of consciousness after death, and I also believe in the concept of natural selection. Nature’s given me the signal — it’s my time, and intuitively and instinctually I’m feeling nature’s correct. I’m not at all scared to explore this fourth (and what I feel is the best) option. In fact, I welcome it, as I’ve been at my wits end the last year trying to deal with this incredibly cruel illness.

Initially, it was my intention to fight this thing for all I could, and I feel I’ve done that — trying many different ways to overcome it. However, through my efforts, medication, and lots of medical consultations/tests, I found this is a battle that can’t be won or fixed – it can only be given band-aids. And band-aids are crummy “solutions” when you have a gaping flesh wound desperately in need of stitches. Not only that, but the more you fight to eat and drink, the more you suffer because food (and the inability to move it through the digestive tract) is what causes the major attacks.

This illness has not only taken away my ability to eat and drink what I want (The inability to drink my fill of fluids has killed me the most as I LOVE water.), but it’s also marginalized me in terms of being capable of pursuing my passions and purpose in life. I used to be someone who possessed an extremely strong work ethic putting blood, sweat and tears into all my activities. I was an avid bodybuilder/exercise fanatic, and someone who wanted to change the world (or at least my little corner in it) through being of service to others.

Now I’m reduced to spending my days and nights in a reclining chair due to ongoing abdominal pain, dizziness, nausea, blackouts, fatigue, etc. and little means for replenishing fluids or calories burned without suffering from attacks. Basically, my quality of life has diminished so severely that I’m completely ineffective. It’s for all these reasons (and so many more, too many to list in this post) that I’ve happily accepted and peacefully relaxed into the fourth option as being best for me.

I feel I’ve lived a good life and I’m now ready to see what adventures lie beyond the veil. Hopefully there’s a nice flowing stream waiting on the other side with my name on it where I can drink my fill, rest up and get back to work.

As for Season of Shadows, it’s going to remain online. My family will be tending to the care of the site. There won’t ever be any new updates or blog posts, but everything will stay as is for the next several years.

In closing this entry I would like to mention once again the wonderful work being done through Unicef’s Tap Project. Due to my love affair with water, my ongoing struggle this last year to drink H2O, and learning how badly so many people are suffering from a lack of clean drinking water; I’ve become a strong supporter of the Tap Project. They are providing clean sustainable drinking water to people in areas where it’s normally unattainable. If you have the ability, please consider helping this extremely worthy cause and please ask your friends, family, coworkers and even strangers to do the same. For more info you can visit the H2O section here at SOS and TapProject.org.

I want to thank all of you for your ongoing support of Season of Shadows and for your wonderful friendship the last five years. But I’d especially like to thank Goldie, Camile and Kieran, Autumnforest, Atrueoriginal, Julie, Barry Huddleston, ssflipo13, Damian, SKAustin, Ethan Black, The Frog Queen, Pam Morris, Paul Melniczek, Stephanie D., Donna, Doug, Matt, Adsila, Andrea, and Annamarie Dodge. You guys have been tremendous friends and I feel blessed to have known you! I hope your days are filled with joy and your Halloween nights with spookiness.

I won’t say goodbye, but instead I’ll leave you with the last three lines from Max Ehrmann’s poem, Desiderata, as well as my favorite clip from the film, Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium:

“… Be Gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

“And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

“Strive to be happy.”

Source: YT user, StevewithUnited

Through the use of medication, I’m now able to eat around 2,000 calories per day, and I can drink about 4 cups of water. For many people this would be enough to live a fairly normal life, but these numbers fall short of the mark for me due to the fact I’ve always had a super-fast metabolism.

Because of my high metabolism, I’m still losing weight, although at a much slower pace now thankfully. Also, the prolonged calorie deficit and minimal water intake has caused me to have very low energy, moments where I feel extremely faint, and it causes an occasional near black out-like experience where my eyes appear to be covered by a window screen pattern. I’m only capable of doing small tasks before becoming extremely fatigued, so the majority of my energy now goes to doing very light house work and taking care of my pets. And then, there’s still the symptoms of the gastroparesis itself to deal with, like nausea and the stomach problems.

I’ve definitely learned the meaning of taking life one day at a time now and often it’s about taking it one moment at a time, since I never know how I’m going to feel one minute to the next. It’s because of living moment to moment that I can no longer do things with any consistency or dependability and making future plans to accomplish something is pretty much out the window now, too.

Despite all of these challenges, I’m doing okay mentally and still fighting to live my life the best I can. But because of these challenges I regret I’m going to have to retire the Halloween Webcam and it seems I may even be retiring my haunt for good unless I happen to feel amazing on Halloween day.

My prop work is also on the fence right now, but I hope to still do some creative mache work when I feel up to it. As for the blog, I absolutely plan to continue blogging. Running the blog is one of the ways I can stay connected to all of you guys who I love so much and it’s a way for me to stay connected to Halloween, even though I may no longer be a “player” in the haunting of the holiday itself.

I continue hoping and praying things will change for me and I stay optimistic that my health will get better, but despite my issues I’ve also found a way to be okay with living my life the way it is now. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and about what truly matters in life because of these challenges.

Source: YT user, HalloweenPropMaster

Source: YT user, CBSFilms

Was it just me, or did the audio in the trailer have a bit of a Nox Arcana vibe about it? It would be cool if they did the soundtrack!

I found this cool Halloween popcorn tin at my grandparents’ house a few weeks ago, and just knew it was destined to be blogged about. The can is decorated with old postcard images on all sides. When I first came across it, I almost placed a call to the Halloween police, ’cause my grandma had been using it to store Easter decorations inside. That’s gotta be considered breaking the law where most Halloween fanatics are concerned.

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Popcorn Tin

I also happen to know Annamarie Dodge is sporting the scarecrow bannner at her cool blog now, too. Thank you, Annamarie.

So, with the season growing ever closer, I thought I’d post the rest of the banners and buttons in this entry in case anyone might be interested in displaying an SoS link and image on their site or blog. If you do display a banner or button, don’t forget to e-mail me and let me know if you prefer to be paid in small or large bills.

The two bottom banners were kindly created for me by SK Austin of The Haunting Grounds. Thanks again, SK!

And these are the buttons that can fit nicely into blog sidebars:

On another note — I’d like to congratulate a visitor who wishes to remain anonymous, other than the fact she resides in Pensacola, Florida, for winning the SoS 12-pack Water Bottle and Mio Giveaway. I’d also like to congratulate Chris Davis, aka “The Frog Queen” of Milwaukie, Oregon. Chris won the SoS 6-pack Water Bottle and Mio Giveaway.

And, on one more note — sorry about no webcamming tonight. Since my makeshift shop is now outdoors, we were rained out. The cam should be back in swing tomorrow night, though.

For now, I’ve moved “the shop” outside where it’s much cooler and the air is fresher, so the view will look a little different than past broadcasts. I’m going to play the outdoor shop thing by ear and see how it goes. Hopefully the bugs won’t be too bad around my lights.

On the health front: while I’m EXTREMELY thankful to be getting 2,400 hundred calories each day now (this is a huge accomplishment!), I usually have to consume my meals in a very slow manner. The slow eating allows for easier assimilation and seems to agree better with my stomach. Since it can take me anywhere from ninety minutes to two hours to finish a single meal, odds are that some feedings (it sounds like I’m a baby, or a zoo animal ) will coincide with webcam time.

Just wanted to give a heads up on my new dietary practices cause you may notice me frequently leaving the camera in order to grab a small bite of food over and over again. As for the prop, I’m still working on Little Grim, and with his small dimensions the cam is going to be zoomed in tight on his torso for the majority of my broadcasts.

As always, I promise to have a lot of Halloween music playing in the background — some Nox Arcana, raison d’etre, Midnight Syndicate, and my old favorite — Sirius-XM’s 2009 Hallowen Radio broadcast.

The first live webcam feed will start next Monday night, August 15th, at 7:30 PM (Mountain Time) and will run until 9 or 9:30 PM. I look forward to starting the camera again and hope to chat with you guys a little in the chatbox while the feed is running.

This giveaway has closed. I’ll be in touch with the winners soon. Finding we were super early for an appointment last week, my mom and I decided to stop off at a rock shop tucked away in the upper level of a uniquely designed strip mall. (I can’t hear the phrase “strip mall” without breaking into a chorus of the theme from the old Comedy Central sitcom by the same name, starring Julie Brown. Anyone else remember that one from 2000? Okay, maybe it’s just me. Never mind… back to business. ) Going along for the rock shop ride, because I know minerals and gemstones are a huge passion of my mom’s (not so much for me), I didn’t really expect to find anything I couldn’t live without — but, I was wrong. Well, almost…

…Actually, what I found won’t be staying in my hot little hands for long. Instead, I’m passing my purchase on to you guys. Two separate winners will each receive one of these hand carved skulls artistically whittled from a rock called snowflake obsidian. I immediately fell in love with the colors, since they sort of look like the black and gray of Season of Shadows. The half dollar in the photo provides a rough idea of their size, and each solid skull weighs 1.5 ounces. While these skulls aren’t really going to add much to a home haunt, I think they’re perfect for knicknack or tchotchke-like Halloween displays in your home or office.

By the way, if you’re ever in Albuquerque and you’ve got a thing for rocks and gems, or just a thing for carved skulls (’cause they have lots of them done in all sorts of mediums!), I highly recommend a visit to “Mama’s Minerals” tucked away in a strip mall on Lomas and San Mateo. And if you never make it to Albuquerque, you can still have a Mama’s experience through their website.

Please, only one entry per household. Duplicate entries from the same IP will be deleted. These giveaways are really based on the honor system, but I do my best to make it as fair as possible for everyone. There’s no catch here, everything is free — including payment of shipping and handling for the stone skulls — I cover all costs. To be entered, leave a comment below showing your interest.

Depending upon the volume of entries, comments may only be displayed under this post for a short time. As entries grow, I may remove comments to make it easier for visitors to scroll to the comment box and enter. However, I guarantee all entries will be saved in the order they are received.

When leaving a comment, be sure to include your correct e-mail address and be certain to keep track of your spam or bulk folder after the drawing closes, just in case. Each winner will be contacted through the e-mail address that’s registered with their comment. I will never share addresses, provided by entrants, with any third parties and you’ll never receive unsolicited mail when entering.

This stone skull contest will end at 11:59 PM (Eastern Time) on September 7th, 2011. All legitimate entries will then be assigned a number in the order they were received. Two numbers will be randomly drawn to determine the winners.

Both winners will then be notified, via the email addresses they provided, no later than September 9th. If one, or both don’t respond (with their shipping information) within two weeks, then one (or two) more number(s) will be drawn to determine the new winner(s). Upon receiving their permission, the winners’ names will be featured at the top of this post.

If you would like to see your Halloween or paranormal website or business promoted through SoS and you have some appropriately themed items to give away, please contact me.

Last year, when Ethan Black was super generous in giving some of his Halloween artwork to Season of Shadows for a giveaway, he went above and beyond by presenting me with his original, amazing zombie piece, called “Alice.” For a year, I’d been drooling over a pic of Alice the way most men slobber over a centerfold model. Ethan eventually got wind of my infatuation with his zombie-ette (I think that’s the politically correct term for a female zombie), and slipped her into the giveaway goodie box without my knowing it. One of the best surprises I’ve ever received; there was all this great artwork waiting to be given to SoS visitors and mixed in with it was a note from Ethan saying Alice was all mine — talk about being bowled over!

It’s just such a great piece — hands down my all-time favorite when it comes to graveyard, zombie-corpse artwork. Looks as if it jumped right out of the pages of a wonderful old dark, comic magazine like “Creepy” or “Eerie!” I have plans to one day get some Season of Shadows t-shirts printed with Alice gracing the front, though Ethan has tried to talk me out of using the image, because the t-shirt would have to be a non-spooky white color. Sorry, Ethan, but I still have tunnel vision when it comes to having “her” incredible image represent SoS clothing — even if the shirts are white and just a limited printing as giveaways to all the great folks who visit regularly.

What can I say, I’m obsessed with Alice. Anyway, for now, she sits framed, overlooking my desk, until I can get her displayed on the threads of my willing visitors.

If you haven’t swung by yet, be sure and checkout Ethan’s cool, new blog.

Also, if you’re a fan of old horror films, you’ll recognize my word play in today’s post title. A bit of trivia: The movie, Alice, Sweet Alice, dates back to 1976 and was one of Brooke Shields first films.

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And while the vid in today’s entry isn’t the same one I found in ’06 (it was removed from YT), it’s pretty darn close.

Source: YT user, paulafromtwoson

It’s almost like Lehrer’s ditty was written specifically for these two characters. I’m still amazed that this song, combined with the Gomez and Morticia theme, hasn’t been used for a Tango on “Dancing With The Stars”… not like I watch that show with any regularity.

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