With summer pretty much wrapping up this weekend and fall almost in the air, I thought this would be a good time to discuss the future of the website. While the future of Season of Shadows has been weighing heavily on my mind, even back when I was first diagnosed with gastroparesis, I knew I needed some time to see what it would be like managing this health challenge before making any decisions. After dealing with this for almost five months now, I feel I’m in a better position to post this entry. But before writing about my decisions, I should probably give a little update on the status of my health, since it’s directly connected to what I’m going to do with SoS.
Through the use of medication, I’m now able to eat around 2,000 calories per day, and I can drink about 4 cups of water. For many people this would be enough to live a fairly normal life, but these numbers fall short of the mark for me due to the fact I’ve always had a super-fast metabolism.
Because of my high metabolism, I’m still losing weight, although at a much slower pace now thankfully. Also, the prolonged calorie deficit and minimal water intake has caused me to have very low energy, moments where I feel extremely faint, and it causes an occasional near black out-like experience where my eyes appear to be covered by a window screen pattern. I’m only capable of doing small tasks before becoming extremely fatigued, so the majority of my energy now goes to doing very light house work and taking care of my pets. And then, there’s still the symptoms of the gastroparesis itself to deal with, like nausea and the stomach problems.
I’ve definitely learned the meaning of taking life one day at a time now and often it’s about taking it one moment at a time, since I never know how I’m going to feel one minute to the next. It’s because of living moment to moment that I can no longer do things with any consistency or dependability and making future plans to accomplish something is pretty much out the window now, too.
Despite all of these challenges, I’m doing okay mentally and still fighting to live my life the best I can. But because of these challenges I regret I’m going to have to retire the Halloween Webcam and it seems I may even be retiring my haunt for good unless I happen to feel amazing on Halloween day.
My prop work is also on the fence right now, but I hope to still do some creative mache work when I feel up to it. As for the blog, I absolutely plan to continue blogging. Running the blog is one of the ways I can stay connected to all of you guys who I love so much and it’s a way for me to stay connected to Halloween, even though I may no longer be a “player” in the haunting of the holiday itself.
I continue hoping and praying things will change for me and I stay optimistic that my health will get better, but despite my issues I’ve also found a way to be okay with living my life the way it is now. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and about what truly matters in life because of these challenges.