You Know You’re Obsessed with Halloween 2

March 28th, 2010 by John Wolfe

In case you missed my first You Know You’re Obsessed with Halloween post, the following are some “warning” signs that you may have it bad for October 31st. Once again, only a few of these apply to me. ;)

You know you’re obsessed with Halloween…

…When you keep your yard haunt setup through December, and then decide to transform it into a Christmas display by placing Santa hats on the corpses, skeletons, and monsters.

When you’d rather spend time building props than having sex.

When everyone else has a single pumpkin in their grocery cart–you have eight.

When you name any of your pets: Spooky, Midnight, Boo, Ichabod, Shadow, or Igor.

When you create a fake boarded up window effect for your haunt and then come to the conclusion it adds to your home’s curb appeal.

When you associate creating a Halloween haunt with the motto, “No pain, no gain.”

When you can’t walk past the Estee Lauder Counter without thinking of the products as Halloween makeup.

When you perform any maintenance on the exterior of your home, and the neighbors always assume it’s related to Halloween prep.

When your idea of dirty talk consists of discussing the pros and cons of fast walking zombies.

When your idea of pillow talk consists of discussing the pros and cons of slow walking zombies.

When you start visiting abandoned, dilapidated Victorian style homes for research purposes.

When you grow a mustache in the hopes of resembling Gomez Addams.

When you let your mustache grow wildly out of control in the hopes of resembling Cousin Itt.

When you know all the lines from every Roseanne and Home Improvement Halloween episode by heart.

When someone comments on how disturbing your Halloween creations are, hinting that there could be something wrong with you, you take it as an incredible compliment.

When you ask your spouse to observe a “no talking” rule while you watch Ghost Hunters, Destination Truth, and Ghost Adventures.

When your spouse promptly tells you to shove the Ghost Hunters, Destination Truth, and Ghost Adventures “no talking” rule up your ass.

When you’ve made it your mission to educate the world on the difference between “bucky” and “blucky” skeletons.

When you grow increasingly irate because Kellogg’s ignores your letters suggesting they create a pumpkin-flavored Pop-Tart.

When your idea of setting a romantic mood consists of firing up black lights and snapping glow sticks.

When you’ve seen Charlie Brown’s Halloween special hundreds of times; yet, each year, you still pull for Linus to prove to those smart-mouthed Peanuts’ kids that the Great Pumpkin does exist.

Hope you enjoyed my mostly tongue-in-cheek list. If you have any of your own “You know you’re obsessed with Halloween” things you’d like to add, I’d love to hear them.

Related Posts

You Know You’re Obsessed with Halloween
You Know You’re Obsessed with Halloween 3

11 Responses to “You Know You’re Obsessed with Halloween 2”

  1. Dr. Necropolis Says:

    Haha those are better than the first ones. And yes, if you’d rather build props than have sex, then you are DEFINITELY obsessed with Halloween. The being silent when GA, GH, and DT shows are like law around here.

  2. John Wolfe Says:

    Thanks, glad you enjoyed ‘em!

  3. Pam Morris Says:

    OMG…I am rolling on the floor with laughter! that was just fabulous…I gotta print these off and tape ‘em to the wall in my ‘studio’ (right next to the perpetual Halloween tree and skulls and well, you get the idea!) thanks for a good laugh!

  4. Ethan Says:

    I am on board with a lot of these. I think I have disagree with prop building being better than sex. My can is black, and named Pluto. I have considered using my graveyard scene to reenact A CHRISTMAS CAROL with the ghost of Christmas yet to come. I also know all the lines from every Simpsons Halloween Special. “Funny, the blood usually gets of on the second floor.” ;)

  5. Ethan Says:

    can? wtf CAT not can. Ha! I am such a dork.

  6. John Wolfe Says:


    Wow, thanks! I really appreciate that. Aside from Dr. Necropolis’ comment, I was wondering if my attempt at being funny in this post went over like a lead balloon. :) Glad you enjoyed this one, too.


    Ha! Glad you followed that up with another comment ’cause I was trying to figure out what “can” you were talking about. :D I love black cats… well, all cats really, but especially black cats. I’ve never watched too many episodes of The Simpsons–is that line from one of their “Tree House of Horror” episodes?

  7. Goldie Says:

    Hey John, these were great!!! You know, your a funny guy, more than most probably are aware of. Ok to the list: wow, pumpkin flavored pop-tars would be awesome, except I don’t eat such things but I used to and that flavor would be the BOMB! I wish we had more things that were pumpkin flavored. Ok prop building over sex…..that could be taken a few ways but my first thought was “that’s not saying much for the kind of sex being done!” LoL ;-) Oh yes, any true spouse would surely know to not dare talk during Destination Truth but rather wait for commercials please. I’m not one to talk during the show but I do tend to make alot of comments outloud at the program or curse right along with Josh Gates. Also thanks to you I know what a “bucky” is because before that I would have thought you had a bad horse ride. ;-) Lastly I might be saying to much here but I am rather surprised by your 4 cats names and that they aren’t Halloween related. What’s up with that? Hehehe. This was another awesome list John….I dooooooooo love your writing!

  8. John Wolfe Says:

    I’m like you when it comes to keeping the diet super clean, but once per week I indulge a little–usually in the form of some kind of chocolate. But, if Kellogg’s were to bring out a pumpkin Pop-Tart, I’d be all over it, too! About the GH, DT and GA no-talking rule–I guess that one doesn’t apply to me because I’m so far behind in watching those show it’s not even funny. I just barely caught bits and pieces of the Alcatraz GH show yesterday and have yet to see any of the Destination Truths yet this season.

    Three of my cats already had names when I brought them home and the one that I did name–I don’t know how I missed calling him something Halloween-related.

    Thanks, Goldie, for your kind words and reply. I appreciate it.

  9. Ethan Says:

    Yeah, it is from “the Shinning” story. One of the better episodes.

  10. John Wolfe Says:

    Thanks, Ethan. I really should rent those so I can see all their Halloween stuff. I’m guessing they probably have a DVD compilation of all the Tree House of Horror episodes available.

  11. Ethan Says:

    Just some of them sadly. They left off the first three so you would have to get the whole season to get the Halloween episodes. Jerks.