You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween 3

July 26th, 2010 by John Wolfe

In case you missed the first two You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween posts, the following are some warning signs that you may have it bad for October 31st. As always, only a few of these apply to me – I swear. ;)

You know you’re obsessed with Halloween

…When you take complicated, advanced anatomy courses strictly for the purpose of enhancing your corpse building skills.

When you’re looking forward to old age because genuine wrinkles and missing teeth will make your Halloween costumes look even more authentic.

When the setup of your haunted house is so elaborate, passersby mistakenly assume you’re being tented for pest control purposes.

When you ask the doctor for permission to take your x-ray home because the image makes you giddy with Halloween spirit.

When, despite the fact it’s been missing in action for almost two years, you continue to check your mailbox, hoping and praying the Fright Catalog’s finally arrived.

When you own stock in any of the following: Elmer’s Glue, duct tape, paper towels, Styrofoam, super glue, or super glue remover.

When you believe Spirit Halloween Superstores are a great place to pickup women or men.

When candy corn becomes appetizing.

When pumpkin-shaped Marshmallow Peeps become appetizing.

When your Christmas cards feature zombies.

When your heroes are some talented guys who go by the monikers Pumpkinrot, Stolloween and SpookyBlue.

When, in moments of tenderness with your partner, you feel the urge to inappropriately scream any of these sexually suggestive monster movie titles: It Came From Outer Space, The Giant Behemoth, Attack of the Crab Monsters, Creature From the Black Lagoon, Dr. Cyclops, War of the Gargantuas.

When you’ve finished screaming those sexually suggestive monster movie titles, your partner doesn’t kick your butt to the curb. (That’s when you know you’ve found your soul mate and you’re both officially obsessed with Halloween.)

When Goth friends quit hanging with you ‘cause you’re just too “dark” for their taste, and it’s harshing their melancholic mood.

When you’ve determined exactly what you want for your funeral services based on years of practicing in your haunt.

When you’re on a friendly first name basis with local Halloween store employees, so much so they even remember you the following year.

When, at summer’s end, you were always elated to go back to school, only because it meant Halloween was right around the corner.

When you’ve made your health a priority by deciding it’s finally time to consume three, nutritious square meals per day: Breakfast = Franken Berry, Lunch = Count Chocula, Dinner = Boo Berry.

When you get mega pissed at Sirius-XM radio for only airing their Halloween channel seven days instead of running it the entire month of October.

When, shortly after Halloween, you aimlessly wander through Spencer’s Gifts in a dejected state, gently touching shelves and reminiscing about the good ole days when masks and costumes were still on display.

When you’ve planted a Halloween garden; in the process, learning A LOT MORE than you bargained for about the love life of gourds, and the bugs who sex one another up while inhabiting the pumpkin patch.

When you actually find yourself wanting to read another installment of “You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween,” created by my twisted mind.

Hope you enjoyed my list, and remember, if more than three of these apply (or if only one applies, but that one happens to be ‘screaming sexually suggestive monster movie titles’), you may need to see a qualified haunt specialist right away to discuss your Halloween obsession; or you could just stay right here at Season of Shadows and we’ll work it out together.

Also, one more thing before I run: I had a little fun with Fright Catalog in this installment, but the good news is I heard their publication has been resurrected and will once again be lurking in your mailbox this fall. Just follow the above link to Fright Catalog’s site for details on receiving catalog notifications.

Related Posts

You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween
You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween 2

16 Responses to “You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween 3”

  1. Tweets that mention You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween 3 | Season of Shadows Blog -- Topsy.com Says:

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by SeasonOfShadows, Gravedigger's Local. Gravedigger's Local said: RT @SeasonOfShadows: Posted another installment in my "Obsessed With Halloween" series http://seasonofshadows.com/blog/you-know-youre-obsessed-with-halloween-3/ [...]

  2. Julie Says:

    hmm, I see myself in some of those, lol. (love the candy corn)

  3. John Wolfe Says:

    Thanks, Julie! Yeah, I’m guilty of enjoying candy corn, too, especially the Jones candy corn flavored Halloween Soda.

  4. Goldie Says:

    LOL…priceless my friend!!

    Oooooooo that is good news about FC. I hope they’re back on their feet for good this time.

    This is an amazing list and actually feels more like a personality test for me ;-) “Ok….just how obsessed with Halloween am I?” After reading your well thought out and humorous list, I now understand myself a bit better with just how DEEP I am into everything Halloween!!! As for needing to see a qualified haunt specialist….I already HAVE such a Doctor…..YOU! And of course SeasonofShadows but YOU for sure, hands down are my doc. Chances are your other visitors are also on your patient list….are they not? ;-)

    Yes, I’ve noticed that your “complicated, advanced anatomy courses” have indeed come in handy for your prop building. One of the many reasons I enjoy WATCHING you work is because the eye to detail you have is unlike anything I’ve seen from anyone else. Did ya ever think while you were taking those classes that, after your profession at the time, you would be using it for paper mache in building Halloween props?

    As for the, “moments of tenderness with your partner,” I imagine it would be an additional turn on by having a mate who also screamed the titles out with you in the heat of arousal and possible climax ;-) Actually, it just might get you closer to the “final result” by saying such things than not saying them and do’in it the same ‘ol way…teehee :-) Nice titles by the way.

    John in closing: Are the workers at your near by Spirit stores seriously on a first name basis with you? LoL, I bet they are OR they just know you as the brownie boy….or was it cookies. Either way they know you as the goodie boy and yet you know THEM as the goodie store. Wouldn’t that be cool if they could also turn it into a food store….a place to do your all in one shopping while keeping under the theme of Halloween year round. That would be so kick ass!

    Sorry this is so long my friend. Excellent damn post and long overdue I might add. Nicely done ;-)

  5. The Frog Queen Says:

    Really loving these lists. Making me laugh! It is scary in the good way.

    Cheers!

  6. Camile Says:

    “When you actually find yourself wanting to read another installment of “You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween,” created by my twisted mind.”

    How about- “You laugh like the village idiot in anticipation when you see that John’s newest post is titled “You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween 3..”
    ;)

  7. Barry Huddleston Says:

    Am I the only one who likes candy corn and if so is there something wrong with me? Oh wait, don’t answer that …

  8. John Wolfe Says:

    Goldie,

    If this were a true personality test, it’d be filed under “written by a crazy.” I think my haunt specialist license would probably be revoked. :) By now you know how much I mix it up in these posts, combining truth, exaggeration and a ton of absurdity. Speaking of which, your comment got me thinking I should probably share which ones actually apply to me:

    1. Definitely the anatomy courses apply. Though I never took the classes for learning how to build props, the training certainly has come in handy, along with my textbooks for making groundbreakers. Like you mentioned, those courses were for a previous form of employment.

    2. Another one that actually happened to me was while setting up the haunted house/hallway one year, passersby did indeed ask if the home was being tented and sprayed for bugs! :lol:

    3. Of course, I’ve absolutely looked to the amazing creative talents of people like Pumpkinrot, Stolloween and SpookyBlue for inspiration, so they are indeed Halloween heroes of mine.

    4. And, I know it’s no surprise to you that my experience with growing pumpkins is another very honest addition to this post, though I had to add my own screwball sense of humor on that particular entry.

    5. Also, I’ve always looked forward to old age, but not because of having wrinkles or missing teeth. Rather, I’ve always thought it would be too cool to have silver hair!

    6. And, yeah, I am on a first name basis with several Spirit Store employees. A couple do actually remember me from previous years and one even calls me by name though we haven’t seen one another in a year. Most of them are probably thinking: ‘Oh, great, not this idiot again,’ but they’re always very kind and friendly. Hopefully the “thank you for tolerating me” treats I leave keeps them from wanting to kick my ass the moment I walk through the door. ;)

    There’s a little bit of me mixed into several of the others, but overall the rest are mostly just me inventing over-the-top scenarios for extreme behavior.

    I’m so glad you enjoyed this entry, Goldie. Thank you so much for saying so, for the kind words and for leaving a great comment!

    The Frog Queen,

    LOL! It would be even scarier if someone actually behaved in the ways I describe in a few of these scenarios. Thanks for stopping by, it’s always great to hear from you and I’m happy you liked this third addition!

    Camile,

    In the words of Jim Carey (I believe from Dumb and Dumber): ‘I like it! I like it a lot!’ You, me, and Goldie could always team up on writing one of these posts–I think we share a similar sense of humor.

    Barry,

    I was waiting for your response, man! You always come up with something that gets me laughing. I can’t speak for you, but I know there’s something wrong with me. :)

  9. Goldie Says:

    You know, you should have “tested” us on how much we know about you in asking which of those traits apply to you. I think it might surprise you and continue to entertain us along the way. Lastly, if your considered insane John, then might as well lock me up in the looney bin along side you cause that makes ME nuts as well ;-) “Normal” = conformity in my mind so rather be as far away from normal as I can get!

  10. Ethan Says:

    Yet again I am outed as a Halloween fiend by your hilarious tests.

  11. John Wolfe Says:

    Goldie,

    I didn’t even think about doing it that way, that’s a good idea. Maybe I’ll add that to my fourth installment. Speaking of loony bins, you’ve kinda tapped into what I’m already working on for tomorrow’s post, but I won’t spoil it.

    Be normal? Never! It’s too damn boring. :D

    Ethan,

    Thanks. So, I gotta ask, which ones are you guilty of doing?

  12. Ethan Says:

    I love candy corn, I have referenced medical books for props and even use gray’s anatomy as well as morgue photos for makeup ideas, I have gone into my favorite stores after all the Halloween is gone and felt sad it was all over, I always got excited when I was a kid and the school supplies hit the shelf because Halloween was next! I have used some monster movie innuendo on occasion.(Blush) I even met one of my ex-girlfriends while working at a haunted attraction. It really is a good place to meet women. lol

  13. autumnforest Says:

    That was brilliant, of course! I’m still looking for that guy who will shout out horror movie titles. That would make my toes curl, especially if he wore a horror mask. I know I’m obsessed because I buy my clothes for the rest of the year at Spirit Halloween. I love their sexy stuff!

  14. John Wolfe Says:

    Ethan,

    I liked you before, but now you’ve really sealed the deal! Sorta like that scene in Goonies where the Fratelli (sp?) brother bonds with Chunk as he talks about all his past antics. :D It’s very cool that my list actually did hit the mark on a few things for you. Thanks for sharing.

    autumnforest,

    You just gave me a great idea, my friend. You know how they have all these dating sites nowadays? I should create one for Halloween/spooky/horror folks… I could call it VampireRugBurns.com Okay, so that’s just a working title, but it’s a start. ;) Seriously, thanks for your comment. Can’t believe I didn’t think of adding the part about wearing a mask to the screaming monster movie titles section! :)

  15. sean Says:

    i have one for ya, you know you’re obsessed with Halloween when… you buy extra Halloween decorations to set up your bedroom.

  16. John Wolfe Says:

    That’s a great one to add, Sean. Thanks! I’m doing the exact same thing, only with my home office and not my bedroom. Welcome to the site. I hope you enjoy yourself and thanks again for your comment.