You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween 4
May 6th, 2011 by John WolfeWelcome to the fourth installment in my ongoing series designed to help you determine if the Halloween bug’s bitten you a bit too hard. Think of these posts like Cosmo quizzes, only for Halloween lovers, and with fewer references to genitalia.
You know you’re obsessed with Halloween…
…When you’ve actually considered pumping low lying fog throughout your home 365 days per year.
When Rue Morgue and Fangoria magazines start outnumbering Playboy in your “my wife will never find these in the corner of the garage, stuffed behind my toolbox and windshield washer fluid” stash.
When Rue Morge and Fangoria magazines start outnumbering Playgirl in your “my husband will never find these in the bottom drawer of my nightstand, underneath the Crabtree and Evelyn catalogs” stash.
When you’ve found yourself in a heated debate over who’s sexier — Lily Munster or Morticia Addams.
When you’re determined to move to Barrow, Alaska for the winter months just so you can live in perpetual darkness.
When you’re so desperate for a spooky retail fix, you’re willing to visit Party City’s year-round Halloween aisle during summer; even though it’s a shell of its former autumnal self, and is overstocked with five hundred pirate wench costumes no one wanted in October.
When you’ve written at least seventy-five e-mails to Oprah requesting she add Ghoul Friday’s Brains vs. Coffee to her book club list.
When you blanket car windows with flyers announcing your Halloween website at Target store parking lots — in April. (Just a friendly tip: Don’t do this. There’s a guy from Target’s corporate office who’s still sending e-mail rants about my flyer distributing activities.) 
When you’ve recorded a huge chunk of Sirius XM’s Halloween programming on your satellite radio receiver and then guard it with your life, not allowing anyone near the device for fear they’ll erase the precious [said in my best Gollum voice].
When you happily encourage neighborhood dogs to bury their soup bones in your front yard, hoping it will add a sense of realism to your graveyard display.
When you’ve found yourself in an even more heated debate over who’s sexier – Spot or Cousin Itt.
When you attend formal social events wearing SkulBone t-shirts.
When you’ve been turned down on more than one occasion by hairdressers concerning your request for the Bride of Frankenstein coif. (If this one applies to you, and you’re a guy, immediately skip the rest of this quiz. You’re officially super obsessed with Halloween — not to mention being quite secure — and, I tip my hat to you!)
When breakfast outings with your family depend on one condition being met: You’ll only go to restaurants serving Count Chocula.
When dinner outings with your family depend on one condition being met: You’ll only go to restaurants offering Haunted Hot Sauce condiments.
When you’ve found yourself in the most heated debate of all over who’s sexiest – Grandpa Munster or Fester Addams.
When your kids finished looking around Spirit Halloween two hours ago and you’ve just barely reached the zombie baby display.
When you start talking to non-haunters about Terror Syndicate, they mistakenly think you’re referring to some new group of guerrilla-type extremists.
When you hate not having doors with creaky hinges in your house.
When you start contemplating sleeping in a toe pincher coffin.
When your smart phone and mp3 players are loaded with endless audio tracks consisting of crunching leaves, whistling wind, cackling witches and ghostly moans.
When you devote an entire greenhouse to growing only pumpkins, solely to be used for jack-o-lantern carving practice throughout the year.
When five-year-old children exhibit more discipline and patience waiting for October 31st to arrive than you.
When you realize you spent more money on glow sticks and stretchy cobwebs last October than you did on filling your car with gasoline last month.
When cleaning up your haunt on November 1st proves to be an emotional experience, thanks to finding that lost piece of trick-or-treater’s candy sitting all alone on the front step.
~~~
As always, if more than three of these apply, you may want to seek help from a qualified haunt specialist. Or, just stay right here at Season of Shadows and we’ll address your obsession together… probably by making it worse. 
This fourth installment is dedicated to Pam Morris. Pam was kind enough to present SoS with a blogging award quite a while ago. So I told her I’d dedicate my next You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween entry to her. If you haven’t done so, please check out her excellent blog.
Related Posts
You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween
You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween Part 2
You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween Part 3
May 7th, 2011 at 3:36 am
Grandpa is way sexier, it is all about charisma.
May 7th, 2011 at 10:41 am
Using charisma as the criterion, then Cousin Itt has to win out over Spot, too. Even though you can’t understand a word he says, that’s still more charismatic than hiding under the stairs and breathing fire.
May 7th, 2011 at 11:15 am
True, but at least the stairs are warm if you need to walk to the bathroom on a cold night.
May 7th, 2011 at 11:26 am
I wanted to spruce up my home since I’m working on finishing writing my horror novel. I opened up the steamer trunk and “shopped” from it. That’s where my Halloween decorations are stored. Why not have them up all year? It gives me one less thing I have to put up and take down in October.
May 7th, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Oh, I’ve got some:
1) You find yourself contemplating whether or not to not have a birthday party so you can splurge on a Halloween Party
2) When buying a house, you look at buying a house, you look only at “haunt-ability”.
3) If (like me) your invited to see Terror Syndicate’s Dark Works in person, you show up in costume and try to disguise yourself as an actor, just to try and get in on the fun!
May 7th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Isn’t that November 1st feeling the worst? Empty, lonely, withered, sad. The realization that it’s going to be an entire YEAR until……wait a minute. The halloween candy boxes and bags appear at the grocery store in AUGUST. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all. Oh, and Granpa Munster wins hands down. He’s a much snappier dresser than Uncle Fester, and he knows how to bite, uh, kiss a lady’s hand in that continental way.
May 7th, 2011 at 3:40 pm
John, these are priceless! Listening to Halloween sound effects on my IPod is the only thing that keeps me sane when I shop and drive in traffic!! LOL!!
As for the bride of Frankenstein coif on a man..well… it’s not quite that extreme but allow me to direct your attention to a gentleman by the name of Dave Vanian, lead singer for a band called “The Damned”…. http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h224/iloveoi/Dave.jpg LOL!!!! He had his hair like that for ages and, as much as I usually like clean cut haircuts on gentlemen, I was so disappointed when he cut his and dyed it all one color. ::sigh::
And now you’ve got me pondering how hard it would be to construct a greenhouse for the year-round pumpkin idea… you are a wonderfully dangerous friend to have giving me all these ideas…! ::huge wink!::
May 7th, 2011 at 7:52 pm
omg! john, these are priceless! thank you so, SO much for the dedication. I love these and have the last one you did taped to my studio wall. I’m gonna’ put this one up as well! thank you again, my friend. you bring a smile (and some serious laughter) to my life!
May 7th, 2011 at 10:28 pm
Ethan,
Good point! Now if there was just a way he could use that dragon breath to heat the toilet seats on winter nights, I think that would give him the edge over Itt.
autumnforest,
I totally agree. Go for it! Why not have them up all year? I keep Halloween stuff out year round in my office. It’s always cool to have it displayed while I work on stuff for SoS. Congrats on almost having your novel finished!
HalloweeNut,
Very cool. Thanks for adding some your own, man. Your number two is so true. I know a lot of haunters who have done just that. And your number three is great, because you’ve had the opportunity to see Dark Works in person! Lucky guy!
Viktoria Rice,
You guys get to see some Halloween stuff making appearances in August? That’s awesome. I usually don’t see anything making an appearance here until September for sure. Our Michaels stores do start a little in August. But places like WalMart, Target, Walgreens and Big Lots usually wait until six or seven weeks prior to the 31st before they stock Halloween items.
You’re right. It does cushion the blow a little on that lonely November morning to know it’s not quite a whole year before the retail stores start again, though.
Okay, that’s two votes for Grandpa (counting Ethan’s).
Speaking of Grandpa — THIS (the digital movie channel) had “Munster, Go Home” on today. Grandpa Munster was in fine form in their feature length film.
Thanks for reading and for commenting.
Camile,
I’m really glad you enjoyed them, my friend! As soon as I respond to comments, I’m on my way to check out the link to Dave’s pics. Thanks for including it. Though I’ve always had my hair fairly short, I have been known to play with the color over the years too. It’s been a mixture of two shades of blond (all at once), auburn, and even a funky shade of red. Those were permanent colors, but a couple of Halloweens back, I did spray the whole thing white with the wash-out dye. It was fun visiting WalMart that morning and seeing the looks on people’s faces as I bought last minute goodies for the haunt.
Ooh, you may want to do a search on You Tube for how-to build small greenhouses. There’s a couple of good how-to videos pertaining to that on YT.
Glad I can give you some good ideas through my farfetched, tongue-in-cheek Halloween obsession posts.
pam morris,
It was totally my pleasure! I’ve been wanting to write another installment for quite a while and dedicate it to you. Thank you again for giving SoS the blogging award. I love how you enjoy these so much that you take time to print them out and hang them up. That’s so cool! Thank you.
May 8th, 2011 at 12:21 am
Your Terror Syndicate one had me rolling. “Oh my God. Is that like the Taliban or something?” hahahah. My phone or iPod have no sound effects related to autumn or Halloween, but I have an external hard drive just because of that thing. So much stuff I love hearing and seeing that I couldn’t stand losing forever. Long live Halloween soundscapes. Great list.
May 8th, 2011 at 10:41 am
Ooooo- I love the different hair colors you mention!!! Mine’s been every shade of brown and black known to God and man, various shades of purple and burgundy, it’s had blue streaks and it’s been really, really red-like “Italian sports-car-red”! LOL! Here’s a pic when it was partially red…http://tiny.cc/3gx0y When we first moved here I used to let Kieran pick and mix my hair colors- he’d usually opt for something between shocking pink and bright red but small town TX. wasn’t quite as open to wild hair colors as Southern California so we pick slightly more subdued shades now. hehehee! I’d love to see pictures of you with your hair all different colors but I know what a shy thing you are about posting pics of yourself. But ya can’t blame a girl for askin’!
Sorry this reply went so far off the beaten track from Halloween- I’m just so tickled to see so many new posts from you and know that for that to happen you must be feeling a bit better- so I’m just 20 kinds of chatty and happy!!! 
!
May 9th, 2011 at 12:21 am
Doug,
Thanks, man! So glad you enjoyed the entry. And I’m like you when it comes to my phone — there’s not really any Halloween audio on it. But I do keep my Addams Family ringtone on year round, though. I’m a big fan of the Addams Family, more so the original Charles Addams cartoons and movies than the television series.
Your hard drive sounds like a total Halloween treasure trove!!
Camile,
I looked at that pic of Dave, and you’re so right — I could totally see some Bride of Frankenstein influence there. He didn’t do the whole beehive thing, but it still looked a lot like it!
I think it’s cool you’ve had all those great colors, especially the black. And I really like the sound of the blue streaks! I’m not the tattoo or body piercing type, but I’ve enjoyed experimenting with funky hair colors for years. And I enjoy seeing different color in other people’s hair too. It’s been a while since I’ve done anything like that. Maybe it’s about time for me to at least get it highlighted again.
You know, I don’t think I have a single picture of me with my hair dyed. Friends used to have a few in their collection back when I had the whole thing blond, but I don’t know what ever happened to those pics. I still remember it was October 2001 the first time I had it blond, cause they took the photos at the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta (and that’s always the first week in October). I’ll have to look around and see if I can find any.
No worries about taking your reply in the direction of dyed hair. I love hearing from you and always encourage you (and everyone else) to leave comments on whatever a particular post inspires you to talk about. I think it’s great!
I’m still a work in progress when it comes to feeling better, but I’m definitely working on it, Camile. Thank you so much, my friend.
One my way to check out your pic now.
July 30th, 2011 at 5:17 pm
How about You know your obsessed with Halloween when;
You have a bumper sticker that says “My other car is a broom”
You have a black cat and an orange cat and you name them Ghost and Goblin, respectively (guilty as charged…)
You have a goblin and Jack-o’-lantern tatooed on your calf(also guilty as charged!)
July 30th, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Goblinboy,
Those are great! Thanks for adding ‘em! Love the “My Other Car is a Broom.”
I don’t have any tattoos, but if I ever do go that route, I guarantee they will only be Halloween related. By the way, welcome to the site — hope you spend a lot of time here and enjoy yourself.