You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween

March 5th, 2010 by John Wolfe

Only some of the following “You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween” warning signs apply to me—I swear! :)

You know you’re obsessed with Halloween

…When your sole criterion for purchasing a home is based on its “yard haunt potential.”

When the idea of a rubber band digging into the back of your head, and plastic pressed against your sweaty face makes you nostalgic for trick-or-treating.

When your local Spirit Halloween Store is on speed dial.

When you can no longer listen to music that doesn’t contain chants, moans, groans or the sound of crunching leaves.

When you shed a tear on November 1st.

When co-workers ask where you’ll be going during your upcoming vacation, and your answer is, “HauntCon.”

When you can provide precise customer service for Walmart’s, Target’s, and Kmart’s Halloween sections, though you’re not employed by any of them.

When your vehicle sports a bumper sticker that says: “My Other Car is a Hearse”

When your phone’s ring-tone is set to either the “Halloween” theme, “Tubular Bells,” or the “The Addams Family” theme, year round.

When going to hardware stores, you don’t see their purpose being for home improvement, but instead for home haunt improvement.

When you’ve actually spent time searching for formaldehyde scented candles.

When there’s an ENORMOUS presidential election campaign during your October haunt prep; and you sincerely respond to the question, “Who are you voting for,” by saying, “Who am I voting for, for what?”

When you organize a grassroots movement against Rob Zombie to prevent him from making another installment in the “Halloween” series.

When UPS delivers fake body parts and styrofoam skulls to your house on a weekly basis.

When the UPS delivery person grows quite comfortable delivering fake body parts and styrofoam skulls to your house on a weekly basis.

When you landscape your yard, strictly for the purpose of achieving the ideal haunt layout.

When all labels, describing the scents of your toiletries, begin with the word “pumpkin.”

During sporting events, you only cheer for teams wearing orange or black–and, when neither teams’ uniforms contain those colors, you just don’t give a damn.

Whenever someone uses the phrase, “skeletons in the closet,” you take it literally.

When you’re willing to incorporate clothing from an old Halloween costume into your everyday attire.

When you own, and happily use a Spirit Halloween Store credit card, even though the interest rate is 75%.

When the smell of fog fluid gives you a rush.

When you wear a jack-o-lantern tie to the office Christmas party.

Whenever the doorbell rings, you quickly answer it with a fistful of candy—in July.

When you visit Season of Shadows on a regular basis.

I hope you enjoyed my list. I have to point out that I was completely joking about Spirit Halloween charging 75% interest—in fact, I don’t think they even have a credit card. :D

If you have a few things you’d like to add to “You Know You’re Obsessed with Halloween…” I’d love to hear them.

Related Posts

You Know You’re Obsessed with Halloween 2
You Know You’re Obsessed with Halloween 3

12 Responses to “You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween”

  1. autumnforest Says:

    Yeah, I definitely do cause I follow your every entry. I would add one to that. My friend mentioned it last year when I dragged her to Spirit Halloween shop and she was cracking up and tears were running down her face. I asked her why and she said, “you are the only person I know who shops here once a year to get things to decorate your house the other 364 days as well. You see it as a home decorating store for everyday.” Then, as we went through the costume section, she was laughing and holding her side again when I was debating which sexy stockings I wanted to buy and which corset–not for a costume, just for my wardrobe. That store is there for me for everyday.

  2. Dr. Necropolis Says:

    Those were pretty good. New to the site, here, by the way.

    Obsessed if…

    …you know more about the origins of the Halloween holiday than about the origins of Thanksgiving (or any other major holiday).

  3. frightnight Says:

    Dude! some of those were really funny. I could even see a few of them in me. Great job.

  4. Pam Morris Says:

    that was great!!! really enjoyed that and had a good laugh…especially the UPS part! thanks!

  5. Atrueoriginall Says:

    ROFLMBO – and how many of them pertain to you John. That was so funny. What’s funny is that for the last 4 years we haven’t had a single solitary trick or treater. Not a one so Halloween to me has been exceptionally weak. Instead, I ended up eating all the candy we bought. They must already know that a which lives in the house and tends to ghosts. :)

  6. Atrueoriginall Says:

    Make that a witch and not a which lol

  7. Ethan Says:

    Who needs a bumper sticker. My primary car was a hearse for five years. I miss her. :( Most of these aplly to me to some degree. I dont do the july trick or treater thing, If you do that you need some meds. Some are slightly off the mark for me. I dont have a tie jack o lantern tie, but I ware orange and black very often. My bed room could be, by some people, called Hallowe’en themed. I have pumpkin scented candles year around, and I still have a pumpkin waiting to me carved. Yeah it is still fresh.

  8. John Wolfe Says:

    autumnforest,

    You and I share in that in a big way when it comes to Spirit Halloween. I don’t shop there for stockings and corsets, ;) but I do love that place and tend to display what I buy there throughout the year! Spirit is my version of Pier 1 Imports, Pottery Barn, etc. Thanks for sharing your own “You Know You’re Obsessed With Halloween!”

    Dr. Necropolis,

    Isn’t that the truth about knowing more about Halloween than any other holiday! I’m definitely guilty of that one. Thanks for adding to the list and welcome to Season of Shadows!

    frightnight,

    Thank you. I appreciate it.

    Pam Morris,

    Thanks! Yeah, UPS and the post office are pretty much accustomed to me by now, but I had plenty to draw on for that part of the post. :)

    Atrueoriginall,

    Always great to hear from you! Let’s see, off hand, I would have to say at least ten probably pertain to me. However, shedding a tear on November 1st and the one about being so consumed by my haunt prep that I was pretty much out of the loop during the election in ’08 stand out the most. I actually had that very conversation with people who were blanketing the neighborhood telling everyone to “rock” the vote. I remember standing on a ladder, working on my cornstalks, with sweat pouring profusely off of my face, all while some lady was talking to me about voting.

    No trick-or-treaters for four years? Wow. Well, at least you get some goodies. Do you guys really have ghosts, or were you kidding? And, when it comes to a witch living there–no way. You’re way too awesome to be categorized in that way.

    Thanks so much for your response and I’m glad you liked the post.

    Ethan,

    Do you have any strange stories about the hearse? I doubt anyone does the whole “rush to the door in July with a fistful of candy,” but I had to exaggerate a little for effect. ;) Glad you mentioned having a pumpkin waiting to be carved, as it reminded me I need to throw out one of my miniature pumpkins. It’s been sitting in my office since September and is still perfectly good, other than the fact mold has started to grow just a little on the top of it.

    Thanks for your response.

  9. Goldie Says:

    Wow, what AWESOME responses. You felt first hand my absolute enthusiasm and energy last night after reading this post. I seriously had a hard time not laughing even upon typing out a comment back so I waited to do it this morning. LoL, I’m pleased to see that my initial feelings last night about the post were right on the mark.

    This entry John is truly a masterpiece!

    As mentioned last night, I can definitely relate to about half of the items on here though I don’t live in a space that allows outside decor but the inside of my home looks more like fall and Halloween from late summer to early spring I would say. I’m also quite guilty of owning many scents that have “pumpkin” in the title, including a body splash called “Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin.”

    Can’t say I could ever add much to this fine list of yours but for me I’ve always adored animals of all kinds but especially black cats. Where some might think it’s bad luck to have such a cat cross their path, it makes me smile and I feel that my day has been officially blessed. We have one regular black cat from around here who is always up early in the am and often passes in front of me on my way to the car. I smile every time!

    You know what I say dear, I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when time allows you to write at greater lengths on your websites. This one was especially nice though because I felt I could relate to someone else out there, it created the hardest laugh I had that day and it left me smiling hours later wanting more ;-) Typical Goldie hey ;-) Thank you my dear friend for allowing your mind to create and wonder the many fascinating ways that it does. MUCH appreciation sweetie!

  10. dave lowe Says:

    The landscaping line all too true for me. As spring approaches I was just pondering last week some needed new front yard gardening and considering how might affect my Halloween display plans for 2010.

  11. Damian the HalloweeNut Says:

    LOL! Yep, I definitely follow at least 50% of that! Let me see…. OK, your truly obsessed with Hallowe’en when: 1) your favorite movie is Trick ‘r Treat; 2) you laugh evilly when you here a televangelist call Hallowe’en “Satanic”; 3) you march in a local 4th of July parade….advertising your Haunt!!!!!

  12. John Wolfe Says:

    Goldie,

    I’m right there with you on loving black cats (all cats really). And, I’m starting to get there when it comes to more and more pumpkin scented items around the house, too. I never used to be into scents or fragrances all that much, but that’s been changing for a while now.

    Thanks for sharing your Halloween obsessions, Goldie, and thanks for your awesome feedback and support of this post.

    Dave,

    Great to hear from you! I’m not much of gardener or landscaper, but I thought that one might resonate with a few haunters out there. :) Hope your 2010 prep is off to a good start.

    Damian,

    Thanks for adding to the list. It’s great to hear from you, too! I’m the same when it comes to your second one, only I usually do a gigantic eye roll–LOL! And for number three–right on, way to promote your haunt!